I choose to wish upon a star

‘Wishing upon a star is meant for tiny kids” they say,

“As you climb past childhood pure,

You leave that childishness behind”.

May be it is true for some,

But I sure am not one of them

I choose to wish upon a star,

I am glad to have a child-like heart.

I dream of happy, content world,

I trust in goodness of people

I know sometimes I may be hurt

But I never am afraid of pain.

If I choose to live a life,

Why live half of what I can

Pain and pleasure are just two sides

Of coin called the ‘theme of life’.

I choose to love sans holding back

I choose to risk unrequited love

I choose to let go when I must

I choose to love true, nonetheless!

How hard it must be for some folks,

Who does not have a Hand to hold,

To live without having the faith

That He loves you no matter what!

“I thank Thee for the sunshine bright,

I thank Thee for the starlit night

I thank Thee for the swaying trees

I thank Thee for the morning breeze.”

There are countless things in life

That most of us just let past us

The blessing of a parent’s love,

The support of a sister true.

I hope to be grateful through life

For all the simple things in life-

To have a heart that’s open wide

To let all those who knock, inside!

 

I have been hurt I must confess,

I will not let that confine me,

I hope I have by now learnt well

To not let mind to fool again.

I am just a little kid,

No matter how old I live

Age is just for flesh and blood

My soul is ageless, timeless one.

I am still a child at heart

I choose to live with open heart

I still am little child at heart,

I choose to wish upon a star.

Precious

I had a good conversation with a dear friend today. It touched me deeply and got me thinking about life. I have had a privileged existence in terms of love and acceptance. By the arrangement of Lord, I have been surrounded by family who doted on me as a kid and valued me immensely as a person from a very young age. They appreciated my preferences and tolerated my quirks wholeheartedly. I never once felt unloved or the need to be a certain person, in order to be loved. I did not have to be on guard from "an evil world" to protect my interests. Enough about me. The reason I said this is to built the premise for my friends introduction. My friend is a nice person- but somehow she has this strong feeling that she is not nice- not just that, she considers herself a bad person. I felt so sad- to live everyday with a feeling of being corrupt and evil- ofcourse, there is a level of pure devotees where they feel this way because of their intense humility but that is starkly different from the self pity that causes such feeling in the mind of us, normal people. She is not conceited, which itself is such an achievement in the world we live today. And in my experience, a lot of times superficial religiosity makes a person more conceited than another who leads a totally materialistic life. So my thoughts today are about the identity in each of us....

Nobody, not a single person, is bad in an absolute sense. We are all part and parcel of the Supreme Lord, how is it even possible for us to be evil? We are all gold pellets- some of us have big blocks of clay and mud around us and some others have almost none- but regardless of the amount of clay, we are all gold pellets. If I throw away a gold pellet because it has soil around it, that simply is an indication of my short sightedness, rather than the worthlessness of gold pellet.  When we judge people as bad or imperfect, (I often do) we are simply discarding gold, calling it mud. And sometimes, it so happens that gold forgets itself and identifies with  the mud around it. No matter how much you remind it, it is not ready to accept or acknowledge that it is gold.  So often this happens with people- we start it young. We tell children to be class topper or athlete, or in whatever way we define success and when they fall short of it, we tell them they are worthless. Ofcourse, we don't do it knowingly- but by our sneering comments and comparisons, we make our gold pellet feel like mud. In time, they forget their real identity and start believing that they infact are mud blocks. Oh what pity it is!!! Then we wonder in our head how these gold pellets can behave like mud.... and then conclude that perhaps they really are mud blocks!!!

If there is one thing that I want to remind myself and others today- is to awake to the realization of being gold and not mud. No matter how society expects us to be and how close or far we are to the expectations- it means nothing. Our achievements or shortcomings don't define us. Our strengths or weaknesses dont define us- all these are mud. Some might be valuable mud, some might be useless mud- but essentially, it is all just mud. We all make wrong choices at one point or another, the important thing is to get back on track and remind ourselves of the gold pellet we are. And to behave like one- to be malleable and ductile, to be precious and valuable. 

We are frequently harsh with ourselves- very critical, very judgmental. We have to learn to forgive- ourselves and others. Unless we realize we are fallible, we cannot make amends. Unless we realize that we make mistakes, it is hard for us to excuse others' shortcomings. We have to guard ourselves- not from the world- but from the traps of our own mind. We are restricted not as much by the external world as we are by the internal world. We have to help heal ourselves and the world around us. Redemption is an everyday thing. It is not an excuse for irresponsible behavior, but it is our save in an imperfect world. This world is indeed a place of suffering- it is temporary, it is miserable. But if we keep our focus on the Permanent, misery vanishes from our life, because misery is just a reaction of our mind. When mind is blissful, in the association of the Source of All Love, where can misery stay.... where will night hide when sun is fully bright?

My dear friend, forget not that you are pure gold, don't ever let anyone persuade you otherwise. You are not perfect, but you can be nearly perfect if you choose. You are not spotless, but you can be clean for all times to come. Remember, in eyes of God, you are precious, you will always be!!!!

Confronting Fears

As a child I bathed quite early in the morning. The water in the vessel would be very cold since it is stored overnight- I would stand there with the first cup of water for a while before I muster the courage to pour it over me. I dread the first splash of that cold water over my skin- I try dipping my palms first and then splash some water on my feet before I finally am strong to actually put the water over me. And after that first cup I loved the cold water on me- it energizes me, invigorates me,wakes me up from the restful sleep. I feel alive and happy after the bath. I feel cleansed not only physically, but the cold water somehow washes off my lethargy, laziness and any traces of worry or upset. I feel alive again. Though this happened everyday- still I was petrified of that first cup of water.  

In so many ways, on so many days- so many things replace that first cup of water in my life. The fear, the apprehension, the anxiety- I feel it so strongly. Inspite of  knowing that everything happens for a reason and for the better in the long run, I cease to live owing to the debilitating fear. Fear of displeasing the society, fear of being judged, fear of being misunderstood, fear of being a failure, fear of letting others and myself down, fear of not being loved- such petty fears when we consider the grand scheme of things. It does not matter if I get an A, if I got it by fluke and it doesn't matter if I get a B provided that I did my best. But no, I am so bogged down by the expectations of society that I compromise my personal expectations. I sometimes feel the strong need to validate my actions because I want to be understood. I define myself so much around the people close to me that when one of them wants to not be close anymore- it makes me feel inadequate. 

I have to learn to let go. I have to realize that everyone, including family and friends, are in our life for a reason and when it is fulfilled we have to move on. The best tribute to every happy memory is never remember it with regret. Never repent happy moments because it can't stay forever. Do not reduce the worth of a relation because one of us grew out of it. It does not make the good days any less wonderful. Nothing stays forever. Not even our body- not our parents, siblings, spouse, friends- not even memories. 

I have today made some strides in confronting my fears. I have tried to not let any human being be the center of my life. I have tried to voice my opinions without caring for popular opinion and I must say- it feels good!!!!!

Personal Prayers

1.
Accept without reservations.

Forgive without conditions.

Smile without pretense.

Love without expectations.

Serve without calculations.

Pray without doubt.

Live without fear.

2.

May I be careful enough to let any external factors affect my internal peace.
Worry, sadness, resentment, greed- these are invasions that can claim our life- May I guard my soul with the Mercy of my Beloved.
May I realize that sometimes it is better to let go than to hold on - May I be blessed with the knowledge to know this on time.

3.

I hope to remember how valuable it is to be alive in this body today. I have been given a chance to make amends- to push forward my spiritual evolution, to heal myself and the world around. If I can't love unconditionally, if I cannot forgive- I can not expect others to do it either. I have a choice to make every moment of my life and I better quiet my mind and listen to the soft voice inside that tells me what is the best choice. Lord, help me to be compassionate and kind, help me to not judge another for I know not what they have been through. Remind me how You protect me and guide me, so that I am not bewildered by the apparent successes and failures- I am but an instrument in your hands and I am worthless without You. Please instill in me deep love for You and all Your children- help me realize that  the perfection of my life is to simply remember You and serve You. I wish not to change the world, but help me mould myself to please You- today and everyday.