Monday, February 27, 2006

Love

Posted by Picasa "The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right next to them knowing you can't have them."
~ Unknown ~
The words that I will lay out here
Shall not be called so- I forewarn;
They are pictures drawn upon
Sand of time with bleeding heart.


The thoughts that i show you now,
Are not just thoughts , let me be clear
These are tears and sighs so true..
Keep silence; you'll hear them cry.


These requests are not requests
But they are my prayers so pure
Please my Lord, Grant me Love
I am so deeply lost in illusion.


All Through I knew it well
Love is meant for You alone
And yet being in maya's clasp
I loved and still do- someone deep.
........................................


When "we" started I knew well
Nothing would just bring upon
A life for me and him together
A life when I could say he's mine!


Yet we loved like none else would
He took me like a new bloomed flower
Ever so cautious to keep me safe
Ever so caring to hurt me not.


Inspite of me, my own self
Inspite of all the grim days sure
I just could not love him less
Day by day- i grew attached.


Now , Like a kid on top
Of ladder tall and upright held-
One by one she climbed so well
But climbing down seesm so scary.


Oh My Lord of all things true,
Please please make me strong- I beg,
Someday he would have to go
Let me strength to see him go.


Please make me know that its OK
I will always have You- sure!
No matter how bad I am
You will always Love me true.


Let these tears i let go now
Beg You pardon for being so,
But still inspite of all this mess,
My Lord! I dont love him less.


Krsna, are you not Charmer?
You charm the heart of Cupid too
Please please take my heart away,
Please free me from all dismay.


I know this well, if I did hanker,
So much for You, the Lord of Lords
You would have whisked me from this world
And unbound me from Karmic Laws.


Lord, I am the most fallen
Lord I know I am weakest one
Please help me and guide me right
Please free me from this worldly woe.


I think I've my heart well hurt,
Good payback for doing wrong
And yet I cry out to you, now Lord
I am still not glad- please help me.


Help me Lord to love You true,
Help me Lord to love him right
He should be for me, that u say
Grant me boon to see it well.


Thank You Lord for letting me
Traverse this way and be all bold
Test of fire is so crucial
To make an ore to purest gold!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Confused mind


I sometimes wonder at the insufficiency of the world around... true that it can make us feel that there is nothing more we could aspire for..... in the sense- when we have a good family a nice surrounding, more than enough income - sometimes it does make us feel we r blessed and want to be so forever and ever.... Well nothing is forever , thats one part.. more importantly we ourselves would quite soon find us in a position that is in total contrast with the current pleasant situation.. that is the nature of this world. And yet, yet we try to believe that someday we would be perfectly satisfied by this world. I have been fortunate enuf to atleast "know" what is right and whats wrong.. what is good and what is not... still many times i stay for the easier option- preferring not to disturb or go out of my comfort zone. When many a times inspite of knowing what is right we settle for less because of our lethargy- Krsna says Lethargy and laziness are very bad vices....that always we should be engaged in doing Karma with a proper mindset - not with the feeling of I or being the doer, but as the instrument carrying out Lord's Will. It is very easy to think about this when i am sitting here and typing away..... a lot more difficult is to implement it in day to day life....

I wonder if being in this profession is what i really wanted.... I go to college out of obligation, cos there isnt a choice left over that.. but i am starting to wonder if i shud have been engaged in something that gave me satisfaction- like literary pursuits.Yes, I do like to heal, I do like to alleviate the suffering of ailing lot..... but... this is such a drag..... i feel many insufficiencies in the theories and methodology.... and moreover the course is so long.. i donot want to be dependent so long...... i want to do something to start my life ... i want to be engaged in serious devotional life.. no no- I don't mean to run away from all my responsibilities and say I am a devotee.. no!- thats not what i mean.. I wonder if i can make a living out of writing and studying literature that will bring true healing for the suffering of whole humanity. I want to recieve as well as spread the Mercy of Sri Chaitanya and Krsna and all the masters of disciplic succession.... I hope Krsna guides me.. I am wondering now as of what i ca do what i shud not...... I hope Krsna tells me... I hope the noise of my mind is hushed and all I hear is the eternal music from His Divine Flute.. I want to melt away in His melody all the material connections and be engaged, truly ,truly engaged in the Service of Lord and His Devotees.