Confused mind

I sometimes wonder at the insufficiency of the world around... true that it can make us feel that there is nothing more we could aspire for..... in the sense- when we have a good family a nice surrounding, more than enough income - sometimes it does make us feel we r blessed and want to be so forever and ever.... Well nothing is forever , thats one part.. more importantly we ourselves would quite soon find us in a position that is in total contrast with the current pleasant situation.. that is the nature of this world. And yet, yet we try to believe that someday we would be perfectly satisfied by this world. I have been fortunate enuf to atleast "know" what is right and whats wrong.. what is good and what is not... still many times i stay for the easier option- preferring not to disturb or go out of my comfort zone. When many a times inspite of knowing what is right we settle for less because of our lethargy- Krsna says Lethargy and laziness are very bad vices....that always we should be engaged in doing Karma with a proper mindset - not with the feeling of I or being the doer, but as the instrument carrying out Lord's Will. It is very easy to think about this when i am sitting here and typing away..... a lot more difficult is to implement it in day to day life....

I wonder if being in this profession is what i really wanted.... I go to college out of obligation, cos there isnt a choice left over that.. but i am starting to wonder if i shud have been engaged in something that gave me satisfaction- like literary pursuits.Yes, I do like to heal, I do like to alleviate the suffering of ailing lot..... but... this is such a drag..... i feel many insufficiencies in the theories and methodology.... and moreover the course is so long.. i donot want to be dependent so long...... i want to do something to start my life ... i want to be engaged in serious devotional life.. no no- I don't mean to run away from all my responsibilities and say I am a devotee.. no!- thats not what i mean.. I wonder if i can make a living out of writing and studying literature that will bring true healing for the suffering of whole humanity. I want to recieve as well as spread the Mercy of Sri Chaitanya and Krsna and all the masters of disciplic succession.... I hope Krsna guides me.. I am wondering now as of what i ca do what i shud not...... I hope Krsna tells me... I hope the noise of my mind is hushed and all I hear is the eternal music from His Divine Flute.. I want to melt away in His melody all the material connections and be engaged, truly ,truly engaged in the Service of Lord and His Devotees.