Life is a gift- I heard people say- I believed them since I was innocent. I looked around to see flowers, children and butterflies. I saw a perfect gift when I recalled my friends, family and all the love they share. Foolish- I was! Confused myself between reality and illusion. But how could I be blamed - Lord had arranged situations for me that were so good. My naive heart hoped it would be so till the end of Life. But obviously- Life had other plans. Life had to jolt me out of this unrealistic aspiration and as days went by, I started noticing that gift of life is not so perfect after all. People who I held close sometimes vanished - later I came to know - its called death. I wondered ''Why do people die?'' I like everyone to be there always. When I grew up more I read about poverty, terrorism and wars. Not all kids slept on bed, nor did all have food to eat. Strong oppressed the weak, rich cashed upon the poor and powerful conquered the powerless. Life was not so fair after all.
Though these realizations were brought without much disturbance of the personal sphere of comfort, life soon showed me everything is not so well, even in the small circle I exist. I saw people fighting between each other for pointless reasons, relations shattered for a bundle of currency, trust betrayed and hearts broken. But yet- I saw around- people just were too optimistic. They looked forward for the life to change into the wonderful gift they heard about as children. Almost Everyone believed in Higher Power, Higher Intelligence and Divine Interventions- but they had different priorities than to actively pursue spiritual life. Old age or after retirement there is so much time to spend exclusively on spiritual quest, people vainly calculated. Life's milestones passed one by one- but not many realized that death is coming nearer and nearer. I saw people sympathizing for the young man who passed away in a bike accident or the child who drowned while swimming. People went on diets and exercise programs- seeing middle aged men dying of heart attack or stroke, but I saw no one realize that their chance may be next.
What is old age? Greying of hair? Wrinkles? Losing of teeth, vision or hearing? Alzheimer s??? None! The most sensible explanation of old age I have heard, is from HG Gauranga Prabhu- that Old age is nothing but the proximity to death. Or at least the practical definition of old age is the proximity to death since some of the readers might counter argue that what about a five year old dying? Can it be said the child passed away in old age? No- in theoretical sense and literal meaning the child passed away in his boyhood- but in absolute terms if we assess, by plotting a graph of his life and dividing it into equal segments, then yes- he died in that last part of the the graph. And the last part is termed old age. In Mahabharata there is a situation when King Yuddhistira is asked questions by Dharmadev- what is it that King Yuddhishtir finds most amazing about this world. And He replies that it is the human nature, which in spite of seeing so may people die day after day still considers that death will not attack him any time soon. This is so very true. We always expect only others to die- not our beloved, not ourselves.
From the time we are born, we are looking up to life to fulfill some desires, some aspirations- the hope of finding everlasting happiness and never disturbed peace. When we are children we think once we finish school its blissful life in college,but then we realize we need more. When we do our graduation , we think getting a job is the best thing to make life perfect. Once we land on a job, we realize that life is still not perfect- we need someone to share our life and then starts the hunt for the ideal match. Later we realize that after all this scrutinized selection of spouse there is still discord, there is fight and jealousy. We assume that lack of kids is what makes all the problems and prepare to have kids. When kids come we have desire to see them in good school, best college and grand job. We want to see the child married and then to see grandchildren. Life is spent thinking that possessing something more will make us happy and satisfied- but no!!! Life never become perfect or at least the illusion of perfection don't stay long.We see that it is a foolish quest- a wild goose chase- searching for fountain of water, in the most arid desert. Walking through life, I realized that all those words about life being gift was just a lie- a blatant lie that was sarcastically laughing at me as I tried to pursue it.
Life moved on and I kept searching for a happiness that would be everlasting. I made friends, did charity work, was active socially- but still happiness eluded me. I studied well, participated in extra curricular activities and developed polished behavior- but still happiness was nowhere to be seen. My pursuit of happiness seemed to be never ending- until I stumbled upon the nectarine association of a devotee. Holding those hands I started to explore the highest philosophy of all- I came to know about service to Lord, our position as eternal servants of Lord. I realized that my desire to lord it over material nature was the reason that made me desperate and in constant agony. I came to know about the modes of material nature- the modes of ignorance, passion and goodness- and their statures in human life. I heard from authorities the instructions to overcome these modes and be situated at least in mode of goodness. If you are wondering why I said ''at least mode of goodness''; it is because we have to transcend even the mode of goodness to properly understand the philosophy of devotional service.
At first I was confused- since I had fed my mind with every possible theories based on monism- I wanted to become one with Lord. So I was not sure if taking to devotional life was better option. But I took up chanting- "just for the heck of it" -in youngster's language. But yes- the transcendental vibration did have effects- I slowly began to understand the philosophy. Now you should not interpret my understanding philosophy as realizing it- there is a gulf of difference. Every alcoholic knows that drinking alcohol is injurious to health- but does it stop him from drinking? No! I was (am) also foolish- I understood about the ephemeral nature of life, the pointlessness in sense gratification and the fundas of Karmic reactions- still I had some expectations from life and some desires- though their strength had greatly decreased. After two years of reading and chanting, I got opportunity to serve devotees and then I started to realize the practical applicability of the Bhakti Yoga.
I once heard about Prahlad Maharaj intructing His schoolmates from Srimad Bhagawatam. And with wonder I realised how true it is-let me share with you:
SB 7.6.6: Every human being has a maximum duration of life of one hundred years, but for one who cannot control his senses, half of those years are completely lost because at night he sleeps twelve hours, being covered by ignorance. Therefore such a person has a lifetime of only fifty years.
SB 7.6.7: In the tender age of childhood, when everyone is bewildered, one passes ten years. Similarly, in boyhood, engaged in sporting and playing, one passes another ten years. In this way, twenty years are wasted. Similarly, in old age, when one is an invalid, unable to perform even material activities, one passes another twenty years wastefully.
SB 7.6.8: One whose mind and senses are uncontrolled becomes increasingly attached to family life because of insatiable lusty desires and very strong illusion. In such a madman's life, the remaining years are also wasted because even during those years he cannot engage himself in devotional service.
I have already lost 20 precious years and I don't know how long I would live. I do not wish to be mad, nor do I wish to stay foolish.I have began to taste the happiness- by simply doing service. I can do service all day long without any food even and still not feel tired. The more service I do , the more glad I became. The more I stretch my limits to serve, the more satisfied I felt. I am amazed- it doesn't work this way usually- working makes one tired. And I am here - exerting all day long and feeling stronger and happier than ever.My sweet Lord Sri Krsna was letting me see for real the magic of devotional service. He was kindly showing me that if I look in proper place- with proper guide- I can find true happiness even in this world. When Lord or His devotees come in, then immediately whatever situation it is, becomes transcendentally blissful. My mind is still so foolish, it has not developed attachment to Holy name and Lord- but Krsna is All Merciful- He guides me through His Words as scriptures and as Guru in parampara. Walking in the desert of material life I have found the oasis of devotional life. I no longer need to run behind the mirages, I can simply remain happy by serving Lord and His devotees. I have no qualification to serve- but the mercy of Lord Chaitanya and devotees encompass me and let me serve. I have realized this is the way of being satisfied, I just need to get rid of my false ego and other anarthas. I just need to get the mercy of Lord and Guru - nothing more for a perfect life. And yes- now again I have begun to believe the verse- Life is a gift- Yes Human life truly is a gift, only if we know how to live it well. Our gift would be perfect if we simply engage in remembering Lord, chanting His names and serving Lord and His devotees. I hope I never forget this- Illusion of this world is so strong, but I am clutching the lotus feet of Lord's devotees, to keep me safe, to let me make the life a real gift, indeed!
